The wellness experience

It’s a little odd to wonder if you are an elephant when you are luxuriating in one of the most iconic resorts in the Maldives.

But yes, it happened to me.

 

“We feel your trunk is the problem. It is too large,” the resort doctors told me with great solemnity. I waited for them to make similar unflattering comments about my ears or my tail. But no, it was my trunk they were obsessed with.

 

   “The basic problem with your kind of trunk,” they continued, “is that it puts too much pressure on the rest of the body. It affects blood pressure and the heart. Do you understand that?”

 

   I nodded gravely and wondered if they would reward me with a banana.

 

   As they went on it became clear that the trunk they had in mind had nothing to do with pachydermal body parts. It was my upper torso they were talking about: the area that starts below the neck and ends roughly at the navel. Yes, my podgy bits which, let’s face it, are pretty elephantine.

 

   “Ah yes,” I said recovering quickly. I then promptly recited a well-rehearsed line I have used to placate doctors over the decades. “I am aware that visceral fat may well be a problem.”

 

   Usually, when I use terms like ‘visceral fat’ doctors look impressed, recognise that I know the appropriate gobbledygook and ease off.

 

   Not these guys. They had only just started. They wanted to discuss my dopamine levels, the mineral deficiencies in my body and my — shall we say — ‘below average sense of balance’.

 

   As we were in the beautiful garden of the resort’s spa and we could hear the waves lapping gently at the edge of the blue lagoon this was an environment more suited to deciding whether I wanted lavender oil or sandal wood cream for my aromatherapy massage. And yet, here we were discussing — basically — what my tubbiness was doing to my body while looking at rows of charts and figures.

 

   To be fair, I had signed up for all this. The Four Seasons group is, along with Soneva, the pioneer of luxury travel in the Maldives. My old friend, Armando Kraenzlin, used to run the Four Seasons Kuda Huraa which opened in the late 1990s and set the standard for the resorts that followed. Armando then helped plan the second Four Seasons Maldives hotel, Landaa Giraavaru (usually abbreviated to Four Seasons LG) and though his portfolio now includes the group’s Bali hotels and other properties LG may well be his favourite child.

 

   It’s hard to stay on top in the Maldives where new luxury hotels open every month (hotels from Mandarin Oriental, Aman and possibly the Oberois are on their way) so the iconic properties have to keep upping their game just to remain in place.

 

   The FS Kuda Huraa has been completely refurbished and New York’s Chef Hari Nayak consults on the Indian food. And LG looks for ways to seem fresh and different. When Armando told me that guests who were interested in wellness would find the hotel’s innovations in the wellness area interesting, I had two thoughts.

 

   One: this made perfect sense. The vast majority of guests at the top resorts in the Maldives are rich Europeans or Americans who travel all the way to relax for a two week (or more) stay. It takes them two days to unwind. Then they enjoy the gourmet food, the fine wines and the beauty of the island for another three days. Some (the younger ones mainly) go diving.

 

"The Four Seasons has its own private seaplanes and elegant boats so from the luxury point of view the holiday was perfect."

   But all this is great only for six days or so. How do you keep them engaged for the second week?

 

   Wellness seemed like a perfect idea. Most of the guests are usually too busy when they are back home to focus on their mental and physical well being. In the Maldives, on the other hand, they are relaxed and relatively free. So they can finally look after themselves.

 

   Two: my other thought was more cynical. Most resorts offer two different wellness options. Either Northern European ladies in white coats pump you full of intravenous vitamins and pick-you-ups or Malayali gentlemen tell you about your dosha before urging you to lie on wooden tables while smelly oils are slathered on your body.

 

   So, I will be honest: when Armando suggested that I get a check up at the LG Wellness Centre, my first thought was ‘why can’t I just lie by my pool and stare out at the lagoon instead?’

 

   But then I worked out that Armando who has been a friend for nearly 20 years and knows how essentially lazy I am would not have suggested this unless he thought I would enjoy it.

 

   He was right. It was a fascinating experience.

 

   First of all, it was astonishingly high-tech. They attached electrodes (at least that’s what I think they were called) to my forehead and checked various readings. Then they scanned my iris.

 

   Next they used spectroscopy to check my cells for vitamin levels, minerals etc. After that, it was time for a 3D Visbody scan which checked my body measurements, mass, posture etc. The doctors also did a personal consultation followed by exercises to test my agility and sense of balance (this was the comical part of the enterprise).

 

   Two days later they called me back. And that is when they called me an elephant.

 

   Okay, I exaggerate but they were genuinely concerned about my trunk and about how much of my body weight was concentrated in that area. They also took me through detailed calculations of my vascular functions, my autonomic nervous system, my fitness (ha!) the levels of minerals, vitamins, and of such hormones as serotonin and dopamine.

 

   Did they tell me anything I had not already guessed?

 

   Yes. They reassured me on hormone levels, correctly identified from my iris that I was on hypertension medication and most important, they found high levels of inflammation in my body and especially in my digestive tract. (What doctors describe as IBS when they are unable to diagnose it.) There were mineral deficiencies that surprised me (chromium for instance) but which did not particularly worry them.

 

   They offered treatment suggestions but frankly that had never been my concern (even I know that I should do more exercise); more significant was that my body had never been examined so thoroughly in a completely non-invasive way in such a relaxed and luxurious environment.

 

   Was it the highlight of the week I spent in the Maldives?

 

   Absolutely.

 

   And remember that this was an exceptional stay in a beautiful villa with a huge garden, a pool and a more or less private beach. The food was outstanding (especially the Indian food at LG, cooked by Four Seasons’s very own Dev Sharma , including delicious medu vadas for room service breakfast) and when we took a boat and went looking for dolphins we saw so many that after a point I even stopped looking. The Four Seasons has its own private seaplanes and elegant boats so from the luxury point of view the holiday was perfect.

 

   But the highlight for me was the wellness experience. But then, a trunk-aware elephant would think that, wouldn’t he?